* Not his real name. (In a continuing effort to remain anonymous and protect our privacy, my boyfriend’s name has been changed. I will mark any detailsthat I change in a similar fashion.)
I mentioned in my first entry that one of the things that has brought me here to wordpress is the desire to blog about my boyfriend Graham. There is an almost ten year difference in our ages and I’m the older one. Honestly this doesn’t make much of a difference to either of us. After two years I’m pretty sure that if it were going to cause us major problems there would have been an indication. It works for us quite well. He’s mature for his age, which makes it much easier for him to encourage me to not work and accept full financial responsibility for us. Initially I had intended to seek work again after I was laid off, even if only part time work, but he told me I didn’t need to and he didn’t particularly want me to. It was easy to see just how much healthier and happier I was without a job. I still may eventually pursue something part time, but right now I am in the process of booking my first paid wedding photography gig (fingers crossed).Continue reading →
The first three entries you see here were taken from opendiary.com and the fourth and fifth from Tumblr, which I’ve decided I do not like and will not continue to use. I deleted that account two days ago. As of this entry, it is the present. Hello WordPressers (or however you, well now we, refer to ourselves). I’m a bit worn out from trying to find a new place for my journal, which I explain the reasons for and the thinking behind in my first entry.
I’ve been very, very busy lately. Although I don’t have a job and I am “just a homemaker,” my mother recently had eye surgery that prevented her from driving; therefore, I’ve been in and out a great deal. Gradually Mom has been able to do a little more, but I’ve spent some of my nights at home and some at her house, which are 30 miles apart. While she was off work for the surgery (her first ever, which was scary for us both) she was unable to drive at all for the first couple of weeks and after that the idea was to increase her driving slowly and only as she was comfortable. Continue reading →
When I read this article yesterday (note: now a week ago) I suddenly understood much more about what happened to my Pop in 2010. I may not agree with every conclusion this man has come to, but the aspects of fearlessness, isolation, and the belief that your death is worth more than your life rang very true to me. My Pop was a Navy Seal, Merchant Marine, and triple black belt. If that doesn’t require some fearlessness I’m not sure what does. Isolation was his life. His wife had dementia, they lived in the middle of nowhere, and my dad was the only one around. Continue reading →
I was laid off in April of 2013 and since then have been a house-girlfriend. My natural rhythm is to stay up until the morning. I’m a night owl and always will be. On a hot summer night in June of last year I was up playing video games and had finally decided to lay down at about 3:15am because I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. As I shut everything down and headed to the patio for a smoke, I started to hear wailing. From inside I couldn’t even tell what it was. It sounded like a wounded animal, but not at all human. As I stepped outside I was able to hear a little better that it was a person, but completely incoherent. As a good neighbor, not knowing what was going on, I called security and reported it. I didn’t go to bed. Instead I stayed on the patio to listen if someone needed help and to try to figure out what was going on.
In a span of about three years (October 2010 to June 2013) I had to deal with a lot of death. Pop (Grandfather), Spike (my cat), and then a neighbor. Pop and the neighbor were both gun suicides.
I’ll never forget October 10, 2010. My dad called me late at night, which I immediately knew meant there was trouble. My father and I are not close. We speak on holidays and see each other maybe every five years. The reasons behind that are stories for another day though. At the time when this call occurred, I was living with my mom and in the final stages of interviews for a job. When I answered the phone, my dad’s sobs could be heard. And he told me Pop had killed himself, just three days after his 66th birthday.Continue reading →