Attempted Long Distance Intervention

I’ve described here in my first, second, and third entires that I have an intense interest in learning about suicide.  Let me be crystal clear; I have no intentions whatsoever of killing myself.  My interest stems from personal tragedy.  If you haven’t read the earlier posts, my grandfather shot and killed himself in October of 2010 and then a neighbor did the same a couple of years later.  Because of these events, and the awful things I saw as a result, I spend a fair amount of time reading about suicides, the psychology of being suicidal, the people that are most likely to harm themselves, etc.  I believe that instead of questioning the whys of my grandfather’s suicide, which I feel I do understand, that I question the whys of suicide in general.

In my reading last night I ran across something that made my heart stop.   Continue reading

Article: Deconstructing ‘Myths About Suicide’ And My Thoughts

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126365907

When I read this article yesterday (note: now a week ago) I suddenly understood much more about what happened to my Pop in 2010.  I may not agree with every conclusion this man has come to, but the aspects of fearlessness, isolation, and the belief that your death is worth more than your life rang very true to me.  My Pop was a Navy Seal, Merchant Marine, and triple black belt.  If that doesn’t require some fearlessness I’m not sure what does.  Isolation was his life.  His wife had dementia, they lived in the middle of nowhere, and my dad was the only one around.   Continue reading

After Suicide – Part 2 of 2

Trigger Warning:  Graphic and emotional content.

I was laid off in April of 2013 and since then have been a house-girlfriend.  My natural rhythm is to stay up until the morning.  I’m a night owl and always will be.  On a hot summer night in June of last year I was up playing video games and had finally decided to lay down at about 3:15am because I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning.  As I shut everything down and headed to the patio for a smoke, I started to hear wailing.  From inside I couldn’t even tell what it was.  It sounded like a wounded animal, but not at all human.  As I stepped outside I was able to hear a little better that it was a person, but completely incoherent.  As a good neighbor, not knowing what was going on, I called security and reported it.  I didn’t go to bed.  Instead I stayed on the patio to listen if someone needed help and to try to figure out what was going on.

Continue reading

After Suicide – Part 1 of 2

Trigger Warning:  Graphic and emotional content.

In a span of about three years (October 2010 to June 2013) I had to deal with a lot of death. Pop (Grandfather), Spike (my cat), and then a neighbor.  Pop and the neighbor were both gun suicides.

I’ll never forget October 10, 2010.  My dad called me late at night, which I immediately knew meant there was trouble.  My father and I are not close.  We speak on holidays and see each other maybe every five years.  The reasons behind that are stories for another day though.  At the time when this call occurred, I was living with my mom and in the final stages of interviews for a job.  When I answered the phone, my dad’s sobs could be heard.  And he told me Pop had killed himself, just three days after his 66th birthday. Continue reading

Long Time And Now (Yet) Another Change

It has been a very long time since I was a member of opendiary.com or kept some type of journal, not counting sites like Myspace, Facebook, and Google+, which honestly don’t exactly count in my opinion.  I created a new opendiary account after not using the site for many years, and not five days later they announced their permanent shutdown after 15 years.  I then tried Tumblr, which I really did not like.  So this post has been moved to a third site, wordpress.  Fingers crossed this is where I can call home.

A long time ago I lost a job because of my opendiary.  I was one of the first people in this country to lose a job due to an online social networking account, but you won’t find any news articles about me or the incident. Continue reading